


Oh Fuck

by fanfics_await_you



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Light Angst, M/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfics_await_you/pseuds/fanfics_await_you
Summary: Prompt: “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”Summary: You’ve been given a week to confess your feelings. Unfortunately, you seem to be an utter coward when it comes to love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from Tumblr by @writing-prompt-s: “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”

**7 days ago**

**“You’re absolutely in love with him, and have been for at least 2 years! If you don’t go tell him how you feel, I swear to the Maker I will!”**

“Jyn, so _help me_ I will kick your ass if you don’t shut up!” There is a prickly defensiveness in your voice that is immediately picked up by everyone in the vicinity.

“Ha!” You cover your eyes with your hands, “Ha, ha, ha! I **knew** it!”

You open your mouth to defend yourself against Jyn when Bodhi chimes in, “She’s right. C’mon Y/N, it’s obvious and that’s coming from _me_.”

The statement seems innocent enough but the smirk adorning his face tells you otherwise. You bury your head in your arms as you feel heat climb up from your collar.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. You have a week and then I’m telling him,” Jyn’s tone is faux-serious and you look up, expecting her expression to match.

Her face is sombre and you jump up from your seat, “What?! Jyn, no! I- No! That is a bad, _bad_ , **_bad_** idea!”

She shrugs and you turn to Bodhi in an appeal for help.

His hands spring up from the radio he’s fixing in a mock surrender, “Don’t look at me. We both know she doesn’t listen to anyone.”

You collapse back into the chair and cradle your head in your hands, “Oh fuck.”

* * *

 

**6 days ago**

Your thoughts consume you as you walk. _Damn you Jyn Erso_ is a common theme among them and you aren’t hesitant to admit that you are also considering how to enact your revenge. In the sea of people you notice Cassian. You decide that you should just do it quickly, like pulling off a bandaid.

“Cassian! Cassian!” His name rings out in the hallway.

Cassian stops suddenly and looks back to you, curious. Unfortunately, so does everyone else. At least 20 people of various ranks and species are all staring at you; you freeze and then bail.

Cheeks aflame, you half-hearted call out, “Oh, um, never mind.” You flee.

You dive through the nearest doorway and don’t stop walking until you find an empty corridor. You lean against a wall and slowly slide down until you rest on the ground. You can imagine Bodhi and Jyns’ teasing comments already and your blush deepens.

_Oh fuck._

* * *

 

**5 days ago**

“Y/N!”

You pretend not to hear and turn down a walkway. You quickly hide in a doorway and watch as Cassian jogs into view. He searches for a moment, utters a quiet _shit_ , and then returns on his way. It’s in this moment that you realise that you, Y/N Y/L/N, are a coward.

* * *

 

**4 days ago**

The canteen is bustling and you search for a familiar face. You spot Bodhi out of the crowd and head towards his table. To your horror, Jyn is seated next to Cassian and is also the first one to spot you; a grin that could haunt your dreams slides across her face. She makes a huge show of moving seats and gesturing you to her’s despite the fact that there are already free seats at the table. In your embarrassment, you miss the pointed glare and elbow to the ribs that Cassian receives from Bodhi. You sit (careful not to touch _him_ ) and untuck your hair so that it falls freely. The conversation around you continues but both Cassian and yourself are determinedly quiet.

You hear a muffled thud from beneath the table before Cassian jolts, swears, clears his throat, and then turns to you. You notice that something about him is off; he stares for a fraction of a moment too long, blinks, and then speaks.

“So Y/N… What did you want to ask the other day?”

_Oh fuck._

“Oh, it was nothing. I was just… just wondering if you had the mission brief but I got my hands on it, so don’t worry,” you flash a quick smile before the silence between you falls again.

You hate what this secret had done to you. It is a burden that you feel like is ruining you, and especially your friendship with Cassian. You leave the canteen as soon as you can, shame burning at the back of your throat.

* * *

 

**3 days ago**

You spot Cassian in conversation with an engineer on the airfield and duck behind an X-wing before you can be noticed. You battle the Empire on a regular basis, flew at Scarif, have stared death down on multiple occasions and yet here you were, _terrified_. The ridiculousness of the situation is apparent to you but you still remain rooted to your hiding place until you see him leave.

* * *

 

**2 days ago**

“Y/N!”

There’s nowhere to run.

You ignore the voice and shoulder-charge through the crowd. You’re going against the flow so your progress is slow and have only just reached your door when a hand touches your arm.

“Y/N, could I talk to you for a minute?”

Your mind flashes white and you blank.

“No! Um, sorry no, I have to fix my… blaster…you know? I need it for the mission and, um, you know how fiddly they are? I gotta- I- I can’t, sorry,” you stutter and awkwardly finish.

Before anyone has time to react, you rush through the door and shut it behind you. You look at the doorcam and watch as Cassian raises his fist to knock, sigh, and then leave. Your stomach is caught by a vice of guilt but the damage is done so you step away from the hatch.

* * *

 

**1 day ago**

This time you’re caught, proper and true.

Cassian had literally darted out of a doorway like a sand viper and grabbed your wrist. Mind you, he had nearly received a fist to the face for his troubles but the act had its desired effect. With his grip, there is nowhere for you to go. On a separate (troubling) note, you realise that you really don’t want him to let go.

“Y/N, I just need a minute.”

You bite back a comment about the fact that you didn’t really have a choice in the matter, and you nod. Cassian walks to an adjacent empty corridor with you still in tow; he seems afraid that you will sprint if he lets go (he’s not wrong). Even when he stops Cassian still takes time to find the words. His face is troubled, and for a second all you want to do is smooth out the worry lines on his forehead with your fingers. Thankfully, you regain your self-control before he speaks.

“I’ve been meaning to say this for awhile. I figure you already know what I’m going to say from the way you’ve been acting-“ you begin to protest-“You don’t need to explain yourself, Y/N. But please, I- I just need to say this, ok?”

Your mouth is dry. _What in the Maker is he going to say?_

“Y/N, I… I-“ he rubs his eyes and makes a decision-“I need you to be careful on this mission, alright? It’s going to be a dangerous one.”

He drops your wrist and leaves without another word. The loss of his touch burns a little, as does his sudden departure. You watch Cassian’s figure vanish around the corner, and you are left to wonder what potential moment you have lost.

* * *

 

**Present**

“Look, Cassian, I know this is a bad time.”

“Are you kidding me, Y/N?!? This facility is going to collapse at any moment!”

Mentally, you concede that Cassian is right. The crack of your boots against the metal walkway is all but lost in the cacophony of explosions you have left in your wake. Flames that surge like furious waves on the platform beneath you grow with every crash, and the exit ahead is threatening to be consumed any moment.

You scan the imminent, warping wall as you search for another way out (you’re not feeling hopeful), “I’m trying to tell you something, Cassian!”

He gives you a long suffering look, “Can it wait?!”

Despite everything, you huff and manage to whisper a _Not really_ before turning back to the task. The external doors are mere metres, then just feet and you can taste victory when metallic screeching tears through the air. You both look up to see a support beam falling straight for you. For a split second you consider diving for the door, but then Cassian pulls you back and the moment passes. In a shriek of mutilating steel, the column sends itself and the last part of the pathway spiralling into the fire below. A gaping divide now stands between you and the only way out.

“Oh fuck.”

You repeat Cassian’s sentiment, “Oh fuck, indeed.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really cute to write tbh

The heat from the fire churning below is starting to lick at your legs. Cassian’s desperate calls on the comms are lost to you in the sheer noise and your own internal panic. Smoke is starting to dull your vision and oh Maker, all you can taste is ash. You consider turning back but a glimpse at the buckling platform cures you of that thought immediately. There’s nowhere left to run.

“They won’t get here in time. Y/N, we have to jump.”

If you had kept a tally of stupid ideas between Cassian and yourself, up until that statement you had been a clear winner. Another beam falls to earth behind you before you find the words to respond.

“ _No?!_ Are you _insane_?! Cassian, there’s no handholds, there’s practically no edge, **fuck** I don’t even know if I can jump that far!” You can’t conceal your panic.

Cassian grabs your shoulders and shakes you with each word, “Y/N, we don’t have a choice.”

You pull away and search your surroundings, desperate for _something_ else besides this death wish. With fire below and a drop behind, you breathe out shakily and concede that he’s right. Cassian steps forward and surprises you by cradling your face in his hands. For a moment, a single second, there’s nothing else and you’re calm. Then he speaks and the world returns.

“Listen, I’ll go first- Don’t start, it’s not a question. Look, there’s a panel I can grip on the left side. I’ll land there and then I’ll catch you,” there’s a soft determination to his voice that you can’t take.

You grasp the lapels of his jackets in your hands. This is a terrible idea and you’re probably going to lose him before you can even tell him and it’s killing you.

“Cass, I-“

He cuts you off, “Y/N, I will catch you.”

One of his hands brushes your cheek like a goodbye, then he’s gone. Without thinking, you press yourself to the handrail as Cassian steps back for a run-up. He looks at you, gives you a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and he’s running. His feet leave the walkway and your heart stops (you might be screaming, you don’t know). Cassian’s hands grab the panel first and you feel something akin to relief.

Then his feet slip.

The panel doesn’t catch his fall, it only slows him. In nothing short of horror, you watch Cassian as he drops. In an act worthy of being called a miracle, his hands dart out and catch the lip at the edge of the door. Both of you freeze for a second, then another as you fight the adrenaline choking you both. As Cassian slowly climbs to standing, you realise that at some point you had fallen to your knees. Shakily, you clamber to your feet and back away from the edge. The divide seems to grow with every step and fear is threatening to consume you. _Maker, what if I fall and take him down with me?_ The thought stops you dead. The door ahead snaps open and shut and open and shut as the mechanism shutters. _What if I kill him?! What if I-_

“Y/N, we have to go!”

“I can’t do it, Cassian! I’ll just drag you down with me!”

“You won’t, I promise.”

“Just go! I- I-“

“Y/N, you have to jump because whatever happens, I will follow you. I’m not leaving without you. Now, I will catch you, _I promise_.”

You trust him. You always have.

You screw your eyes closed, breathe, mutter an _oh fuck_ , and break into a sprint. The dancing light surrounding you blurs and the world tilts as you leap. You feel sickly weightless, and then you’re crashing into metal and warm arms. Your fingers scratch for a non-existent handhold but you’re secure anyway. Cassian’s arm locks your torso to his and you both swing for a moment before you still. It takes you a second to process what’s happened and then _oh Maker, you’re_ ** _alive_** and Cassian’s **safe** and he’s smiling at you and maybe it’s the adrenaline but you have to say it.

“I love you Cassian,” the words come out in a soft hurry.

His face morphs into surprise, then understanding, then something you don’t recognise, then the door’s open and you’re being dragged. The arm wrapped around you lifts you in random intervals when your feet stall as your mind catches up. Eventually your body goes into autopilot but your brain is about ready to go back and jump in the inferno. _Fuck, fuck,_ ** _fuck_** -

Massive double doors open and icy gusts greet you as you sprint into the frigid air. You don’t consider stopping until your lungs burn from the cold and the rumble of the complex is lost in the wind. Even then, you don’t actually pull up until Cassian lets go of your waist only to grab your wrist. To avoid pulling your own shoulder out of its socket, you slingshot back and practically ricochet into his waiting arms. Cassian’s warmth is a shock and without thinking you draw closer to him against the chill. You prepare for whatever is about to unfold and allow yourself a deep breath before looking up to meet Cassian’s eyes. He’s smiling.

“So _that’s_ what’s been worrying you?” His tone is flippant and teasing.

It’s bad enough that you blurted it out, you will not be ridiculed. Feeling mocked, you place your hands against his chest to push Cassian away. His hands slide up your wrists to hold you against him. Little sparks of electricity follow the path of his fingers and you are _outraged_ at yourself that your breath catches.

“Always in such a hurry, Y/N, you didn’t let me finish. So… what you, um, said before is why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Just slightly, you nod.

“Oh thank the Maker.”

Before you can question him, he has closed the space between you and for the first time in what feels like hours, you feel safe. Cassian’s lips are startlingly hot and your whole body moulds against him as your knees threaten to give. His hands find their way to your waist and you entwine your fingers in his hair. You have wanted Cassian for so long, and in this planet of winter his warmth is all the more addictive. His thumbs tease at the edge of your shirt. Oh _fuck_ , there are so many things that you wish could do right here in the snow, but you notice the taste of ash on Cassian’s lips and that tie to reality is enough to pull you back. Ruefully you break off the kiss and take a second to admire the plumes of your breath dance around his cheeks before you speak.

“As much as I would like to-“ your eyes flicks from Cassian’s eyes to his lips and then back up again-“continue, this might not be the best place.”

He laughs, wholeheartedly and with his entire body, and you’re struck by the beauty of him. You have always acknowledged Cassian was handsome but here, in this pocket of happiness, oh Maker he’s beautiful.

“While I agree that it isn’t the best time, I’ve wanted to do that since you saved my ass back on Scarif. I can only be expected to be so patient,” he shrugs and his teasing smirk makes your heart skip a beat.

“Well, why didn’t you say anything? Maybe we could have chosen a better moment.” The smile that  pulls across your cheeks is completely involuntary.

“That’s not fair, Y/N. I’ve been trying to tell you for a week.”

You breathe out in shock and then roll your eyes at your own stupidity, “Does that timeline have anything to do with Jyn and Bodhi, by any chance?”

Cassian tilts his head in confusion before his eyes begin to dart in recognition.

He closes them and uses his hand to massage his temple, “You too, huh?”

You want to agree or nod or _something,_ only you can’t help but giggle like some ridiculous school-kid. You go to say something about kicking both their asses but Cassian licks his lips and you’re distracted all over again.

His hands find their way back to your waist and you go to your tiptoes when a voice cuts the air, “I’m glad to see you two finally came to your senses.”

Another follows, “I’m thrilled too of course, but I’ll admit… Odd choice of location.”

Your heels plummet back to earth and you twist to face your rescuers. Cassian pulls you back, probably so that you don’t kill someone.

“JYN ERSO, BODHI ROOK, I AM GONNA KICK YOUR ASSES BACK TO YAVIN 4!”

The quiet laugh into your neck is enough to distract you from the loud _oh fuck_ that sounds from Bodhi and the heavy thud of running boots. You’re tempted to go after them, but honestly you’re quite happy to stay right where you are.


End file.
